and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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