She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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