I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
