I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
