He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
