where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Randomize
