How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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