I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
