it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
