I think I won the penis lottery.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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