That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
