What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
