I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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