we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
