She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
