My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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