he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
