I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just want to make out with him forever
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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