Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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