so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
