it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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