: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
