No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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