Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
