I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
