So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
