The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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