He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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