so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
