Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
