so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
