Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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