Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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