I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
