1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
