you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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