The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
