brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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