U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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