I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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