The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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