Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
and she was petting her beer can
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
