Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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