Porn is love you can see.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
