If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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