There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
