it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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