Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Is that strawberry winking at me??
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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