I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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