Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
